I like to think of myself as a usually happy-go-lucky kind of fellow. I don't often find myself being grated by external circumstances to the point that it affects my entire person. I may be grated, but it doesn't have to extend itself into the inner works, you dig?

But damn, when it comes on, it comes really fucking hard.

I had a day today that I'd say comes about once every six or seven months. Maybe not even that often. Maybe there's no way to give it cycle (that is, I sure haven't monitored it) - but damn.

There was a short period of time during which my throat felt like it was constricting, and I could feel the acid in the back of my mouth, and I just wanted to launch the apple on my desk against the hallway wall as hard as I could and yell out, "There's your exploding apple, mother fuckers!" But I didn't end up doing it exactly that way. I gave warning. I made sure to clean up. I can very easily imagine myself in more dramatic scenes than I will ever actually perform. I don't really tick that way. And it may be better if I did tick that way. Suppressing emotions leads to a great deal of neuronal breakdown and cell death.

So I don't know if I am over my funk just yet. I will probably not think about its causes for a while. It comes and goes, though I've noted that those persistent little bugs have been buzzing quite often behind my eyes, specking my views. But I'm just not good at doing things about what I'm feeling. I just don't feel that what I'm feeling is that important. I know that probably sounds oddly proud or self righteous, but I don't mean it to be. I just don't put a lot of stock in my own "emotions," which I can objectively say is odd since I put an amazing amount of stock in other people's emotions when I want to gauge how they might act. But I don't know what to do about it.

So, I was just sitting here a moment ago when all of a sudden an entire hour slipped out of existence. That was saddening.

Weather: It rained a lot today, especially up near Fordham when I met Clare for lunch. As it moved on toward evening, the rainfall decreased and the winds picked up. Howling at times, blowing me back. Skipping across the streets.